I was recently having a conversation with another of the Enfants Terribles from my graduate architecture program. We tend to find articles or media related to the ideas of our academic focus that our profs would argue against with us, and then we share them back and forth. It’s done in a way of, “see, we aren’t alone in thinking these things” as a means of reassuring our convictions. In our recent conversation, my friend asked for a reprieve from the sharing of these things in relation to our academic program, as they were trying to focus on the positive aspects that they got from our program. Focusing on the shortcomings of our program had led to suicidal thoughts and they were working to prevent falling deeper into that feeling. (Videos of kittens can be a better means of communication than architecture articles sometimes.) Of course, this got me thinking of what were the positives that I got out of the program. I struggle to come up with many (or any) and I think that my way of fighting off the darkness of being let down from the broken promises of the program we attended is more of a defiance. Hell, I was doing it while in the program. After the promises of a European study abroad options failed to happen, I instead used my summer work study money to fund a winter break trip to spend three weeks in France. I crafted my own study abroad option visiting different French cities and town, taking an excessive amount of photos documenting architecture, and collecting books on architecture. I may have been refused the academia culture that I sought, but I’m not going to let them ruin my love for architecture. Still, the darkness looms. It always does. Our peers continued to find employment through internships after the program ended that were not provided to the Enfant Terrible group. “I know where I am from, but I don’t know where I am going.” I just hope that my defiance of pursuing my convictions will lead to something fitting for me because I have too many dead friends who struggled with shattered dreams.

“Life is beautiful and so are you !” as seen in Nantes during my 3-week trip over a winter break.